The Working Mothers

Since the kids have entered nursery school, I have many opportunities to chat with other working moms. Although there is still a bit of a language barrier, for the most part I can get by at least with basic small talk. There is something different about the Japanese mothers here (by here, I guess I mean Tokyo). Our neighborhood is predominantly blue collar working-class. The difference with this blue collar neighborhood is that most people actually work for their own company (mostly their own small factory making specialty parts for all sorts of larger machinery and equipment) and live in a house above the factory or next door. While walking around one day, it dawned on me that despite most people’s modest appearance, their large plots of land, on which sits their house and business, probably can indicate their true economic status. Most of the families here have 3 generations living together comfortably and sons and daughters work on the family business together, while the grandmothers help raise their young grandchildren. I still see men in their 70’s working everyday in their factories. Their home, with children and grandchildren still living under their roof, shows that their hard work has paid off. It’s quite refreshing to see close-knit families, especially since in Tokyo I’ve mostly seen magazine-image city-dwelling families who just want to do everything on their own and keep the extended family on a meet-only-when-necessary basis.

So going back to the mothers…maybe it’s because I can’t really see what goes on in family’s daily lives, but in almost everyone here I see this seemingly unfaltering self-discipline. The working moms ride their bicycles, sometimes with as many as 3 kids on it (one in a front child seat, one in a rear child seat, and one baby strapped on their backs in a carrier). They drop them off at school by 9:15 am the latest, do all the necessary preparations, then head to work. Many of them return to school by 5:30 pm to pick up their child or children. But their day is not yet done. Once they leave school (often about 30 minutes later, since children rarely leave the premises so easily-still wanting to play and chat with their friends), they still buy groceries and prepare dinner, feed the kids, get them bathed and dressed for bed and then whatever other chores need attending to. I sometimes see one or two fathers pick up the kids, but generally it is the mothers who come mornings and evenings. And when I talk to mothers they always nonchalantly say their husbands usually leave so early (6-7am) and come home so late (10-11pm) . Everyone appears to accept their roles and carry on. I learned a lot just by observing the mothers, even if I may not know the whole picture. I complained about this and that when I arrived, but now I sometimes think I’ve had it slightly easier in comparison. In our household, the Daddy takes part in the household chores and caring for the kids, despite a physically tiring job. Also, my work hours are not terribly demanding so I do have a little extra time to look after the place. I still don’t (and will never) agree with fathers who think earning money is the only thing they are responsible for when it comes to their family. I can only imagine what their daily lives are like, by comparing it to my own. Of course everyone’s situation differs a bit, but I know the moms have one major thing in common – they do a hell of lot in a day. I do give these mothers lots of props for having the strength and patience to raise their kids, run a home, have a job and still look after themselves.